Fantastic edit by the group - very strong indeed, and of a
pretty much professional standard. I've made some notes, see below. As they are
working at such a high level, my notes are more about specific little things
that should be easily tweaked, as opposed to any structural / major things.
Obviously they may choose to disagree with some of them, but these are the
changes I would make.
I like the music, and am wondering what it is? I'm assuming
its public domain, could you confirm that it is please?
Here are my notes:
0.15
the march through the field - I can see the idea of the
dissolves through the march, but I don't think it works visually - too clunky
and messy looking. If the motivation is to shorten the screen time of this
sequence, perhaps inserting the close up of the feet in between 2 sections of
the wide would work, if not, either let the wide run long or cut in/out of it
sooner.
0.59
C/U of feet climbing hill - soundmix - audio a bit too loud.
1.32
"roman's make way.." audio too loud at beginning
of this line.
1.44
close up just before introduction of titus a bit too
short/jarring - can it be extended a little (or if not, perhaps cut).
1.48
cutaway of hands - shot is drifting on an inelegant pan, is
there a static/steady C/U alternative that does the same job?
1.47
lovely shot of the prisoners looking worried - but a bit
brief - could it be extended so we hear a bit of the next line underneath it
("give us the proudest prisoner of the goths..")
2.28
could we establish titus listening to Tamora's plea here
perhaps? the cut here between two slightly different angles of tamora is a
little awkward, and introducing titus's ambivalence (then cutting back to it
later) would be a good solution, plus it would cover the camera drift as she
says 'if thy sons were ever dear to thee…"
General note on the music - I like it, but am wondering if
its a little too repetitive by this point - its been going on (what sounds
like) a short loop for a few minutes now - could it be faded sooner, lowered in
the mix, or something else added? there is a danger of it having a sort
of 'wallpaper effect'
3.35
Good handling of the execution scene - just one note, the
shot where she is put down on the ground (a side angle from the second cam)
sticks out a bit, as its not that well framed - cropping out her head as she
kneels. it does match the action, but is there a better framed alternative for
this bit?
3.35
'Alabus goes to rest' - minor point, but it might be better
to start with the 3 of them looking out from the alternative angle, as it shows
them looking towards trees/wooded area, creating an associative link to the
earlier scenes.
4.31
shot of one of the brothers nodding to signal tamora is too
brief and flashes a bit jarringly, extend it a little.
4.36
Tamora saying 'go!' she is moving away as she's says this,
it then cuts and we see her in the background still - can this transition be
smoothed - either by using an alternate take (in which she doesn't walk off),
or by cutting to the figures in the foreground of the next shot as they are
masking her in the background. not a big deal though - you may have already
found the best solution.
5.20
"I am revenge..' overlay - I like this, it can be
neatened up using a bit of re-framing and compositing/grading - students can
try this, I also have some powerful post production tools that will help.
